can i be in this clan? hunterkitt~kit~male

[hunterkitt]

Name: hunterkit
Family: none that i know of
Rank: Kit
Clan: RiverClan
Gender: Tom
Age: 4 moons
Eye Color: green
Fur Color: grey (like bluestar's fur)
Other Appearances:

well..im pretty small for a kit of my age. always hyper. and light, my fur is poofy (like persian poofy fur), and has a face like yellowfang's face.

Personality:

my cat is a very nice cat. not ambitious in any way, shape, or form. if he's sad he'll be hiding it and move on, wen hurt i go to the medicen cats den, and when angry relax and take a breather. he has met the elders and thinks there a good source for entertainment when bored. he thinks his mother is the nicest person he met (only met a few cats). and lastly if he's happy he runs around in circles for some random reason. and HATES to be woken up.

History:

3 cats in litter: 2 toms and a she-cat. mentor:dont have 1 yet. has gotten along well with the littermates before they died from greencough. once swalloed some poppy seeds and slept for 2 days (best days of his life). his father died while in battle. and visits the elders alot.

RP Example:

i know nothing about roleplay...... but ill learn ( i mean i know nothing in any, way, shape, or form in roleplaying.

Cats you RP: 1
Names of cats: hunterkit
Other:

beware..... im random. (is dis better?)

[fαllεη •]

Heya, Hunter :) Gosh, I'm really sorry to have to correct your first bio! It's just a few minor things: Hunterkit himself is fine, but we have a few things to clarify. I'm going to try to put my points in note form, so I don't make this any worse for you than it has to be. ^^;

• You may want to make him older XD Apprentices are generally better to start with, because they have quite an adventurous life, but that's just personal opinion. If you want to keep him a kit, however, can I recommend at least three moons older? If he's one moon old, he won't have opened his eyes yet, or be able to talk or think in the same way. It'd be like role-playing a baby XD. And he'd definitely need a mother: a kit that young can't see, and it can't keep itself warm, so you'll either need someone to play his surrogate/'real' mother.
  
• Your personality seems to have slipped into your appearance XD. Appearance is actually the easiest one to do, because we only need three sentences. Firstly, though, I'm afraid you can't have a cat with blue fur ^^;. Grey fur, certainly, if he is the same colour as Bluestar :).
  Give us some tasty little tidbits of information here. You could mention what shape his face is, what his build might be when he grows up, and how thick his fur is :).
  
• He's a little young to be hunting! XD 'Kind' is a really good start, though. You're aiming for six sentences here, though, so try to elaborate :). How is he when he gets angry, sad or hurt? Has he met the elders yet -only applicable if he's older than two moons: otherwise he literally can't see them XD- and if so, what does he think of them? Try to be as broad as you can :)
  
• History requires another six sentences --I know, don't despair yet! Now, you say in his family that he doesn't know his family, but in history, he's got two/three siblings? Both are fine :) History is a good place to mention your cat's parents, how they interact with their siblings, and what they've learned :P. It's harder to write that much for kits, I know, because nothing's really happened in their lifetime yet XD, but I'm sure you'll go far :).
  
• :D Good for you!
  Now, if you want help with role-playing, feel free to make a thread in the Role-Play Tutoring board, and tell us what you know :D. If you just want help with this sample, then I'll try to help you out :). Most people choose an important part in their cat's history --maybe for a three-moon-old kit, it's opening their eyes for the first time. Try to describe what that might feel like: the fuzziness of vision, because your eyes can't focus properly, or seeing a furry face and instinctively knowing 'mother'. You can't speak yet, so you just let out a faint mew: your mother hears, and she wraps around you, flooding you with warmth. You start to purr. And that, right there, could be a role-play sample XD. Just remember to write in third-person past-tense: "He stumbled" or "There was frost in the air".
  
• Go crazy :D. If you need help, feel free to ask, and I or any other staff will be ready to help out :)
  

[hunterkitt]

so fallen is dis better? i elaborated best as i could.

[fαllεη •]

I guess that's acceptable :) It's a really good bio for a first try: most people start out on sites with no sentence minimum, so for you to have no experience at role-playing and to be filling out the minimum is fantastic :) Well done!
But before you role-play with him, I think it's best if you make a thread in the role-play tutoring board (this is the link :)) and I -or someone else :)- will help you out with your role-playing :)
-Lockety move-