New: Swiftfur of Windclan

[swiftfur]

Name: Sara
Character: Swiftfur Windclan
Rp experience: Three weeks, Beginner

Name:Swiftfur
Age:13 moons
Gender:Female




Alliance: Windclan
Rank:Warrior
Appearance: I have medium size ice blue eyes. My pelt color is light gray. My paws are unusually Black. I also have a longer tail than most cats.

Personalty: I do very well in hunting and fighting[ of course}.
My weak side is climbing trees. Those things hurt my paws!
If there were a battle trust me I am there. I also have a bad temper if another cat annoys me. I also am considered one of the fastest cats
in all for clans. Partly how I got my name. I am very loyal to my clan, and really sweet.

History: My mother is from Thunderclan and my father is Windclan. So I am considered as halfclan. My mother is know as Faststar and my fathers name is Runningwind. I have no sisters or brothers. When I was a apprentice I was teased badly because I was halfclan,
later then I proved myself a loyal clanmate by Saving my leader from
a thunderclan cat in a battle. I always looked up to my mentor his name is Heavyfoot. He taught me snakes bite, and bites can be healed. My mentor taught me a lot of things, and I always wanted to be like him. When I was a kit in the nursery I wanted to be a
medicine cat. I was good at healing cats because when ever a cat was in pain she healed them quickly. I could not because
Starclan disapproved. They said "I had a different destiny". I had one
apprentice named Flashpaw. She was a great apprentice, but died
from greencough. To this day I live in grief for her. I live wondering were or what my destiny is, but I know I have a wonderful life and history.

Rp example: When Swiftfur is up, and on this website she loves
to check out other cats status. Or Swiftfur loves looking at other rpg
websites. Partly how she found this one. When she is one this rpg
she likes looking at new topics. Swiftfur usually goes on the computer and looks at all the storys and other post from other members. Her favorite part of this website is the posting. She joined
because becoming a great warrior cat you had to see how other cats
played. Swiftfur found this rpg by roaming the web. She loves doing that. The only suggestions she has is that mabye you could make
something more interesting. Like a really fun contest, and the person that typed the best story topic could win a Warrior book or something that would attract more members!

Attachments:

[fαllεη •]

Don't worry, Swift, you're doing really well :) Just remember: you don't need to make a new thread every time you edit! Just click the button that looks like this at the top of your post.
Thank-you so much for meeting the sentence minimum, though! :D That's really good!

You've done the opposite of what I suggested, though XD We write in third-person, not first-person! So like this:

Swiftfur is a good at hunting and fighting, but her weak side is climbing trees; they hurt her paws, which she doesn't like.
In battle, she will be there in a heartbeat. She also has a bad temper if another cat annoys her. She is able to sprint very quickly.
She is very loyal to her clan.

Just one thing: how does she know that she was good at healing cats? :) I'd love to see that explained in her history.
Oh, and you do know that a cat with '-star' on the end of their name is a leader, right? ^^; A kit would generally stay with their mother because she'd need someone to suckle her, so perhaps a WindClan mother or foster-mother?

A role-play sample is just to show us how you role-play. We need ten sentences for this, which shouldn't be too hard given that you've blazed through the rest of it :). You can have Swiftfur doing anything, but try choosing a important event from her history --maybe the death of her apprentice? She's awfully young to have been training one, which is why this would be a great area for us to see :). If you need help with role-playing, you can keep PMing me with any questions you have --either click the 'You have X messages' text above the banner, or click the in my miniprofile (the box with my avatar an such in it, to the left of this post :))

[swiftfur]

I fixed it!!!!

[fαllεη •]

Ha ha, not quite ;)

Remember, you still need to change the rest of her bio into third person, and you haven't explained why she was healing cats --an ordinary kit wouldn't be allowed to heal cats, and certainly wouldn't be able to do it well!

Can I recommend tidying up her history too? You've put in things about her kithood after her apprenticeship, when it would be a lot neater to put them in chronological order --that is, kithood then apprenticeship to warriorhood :).

Also, you have some peculiar line-breaks in your bio --I won't ask why they're there, but the bio will be easier to read if you were to get rid of them ;).